For me being gay is a destiny in my life, a feeling that is directly given by God, many people said that being gay is a choice but I totally disagree, because God never asked and gave me a chance to choose my sexual orientation.
Lots of people don’t know much about being gay and there are haters that strongly disagree about legalized same-sex relationships, they said I’m a sinner, psychiatric disorders and sick. But whether they know it or not true love begins with a feeling of the heart to another heart and doesn’t begin with sex to the other sex.
The challenge of my life as being gay was when I was 7 years old, and realizing I was a man who loved men, my struggling is how to love myself, trying to accept my sexual orientation because I live in a conservative religious family environment, and when I was student in elementary school, I heard a phrase that “God loved His people,” since then I believe that God also loved me because I was created as a gay child.
I have a very unique story when I came out to my mom, when I was 20, I made a picture and I wrote the word in that picture “I’m sorry mom, I’m gay,” and I shared these images on my account on Facebook, and then my mom saw it. My mom left a comment on the picture and she said, “I’m feeling sad right now, maybe God has punished me for the sins I’ve done.” But I convinced my mom that no one is to blame on this case, “I said this is given from God.” After that my mom told all family member about my reality, and they came to me and we had discussion, at that time they just told me “please be a good gay, that’s mean they asked me to act like a straight man, and I have to control my attitude. I’ll never forget the moment of that and I still keep the picture on my Facebook.
I was born and raised in Cianjur, West Java, which is a village and very homey. I had to walk about 20 minutes when I went to school, there is a conservative culture, so I only knew a little bit about the gay lifestyle. I tried to find information about being gay via social media, and at the end when I was 15 I began to knew about Top and Bottom terms, and after I had problem in the high school you can read my story here, I moved to the city of Jakarta, and here I knew what is the meaning of life, I can meet with many people who like me, in the city there are a lot of places for the gay community to gather like gay organizations, bars, parks, cafes, malls etc. Jakarta gives me with a lot of friends who helped me become a confident and modern gay.
(Advice to my gay friends) Life as a gay man would not be easy, especially here in Indonesia, there’s stigma and discrimination is very high, you will struggle to accept yourself, when you feel different, my advice is just to love yourself, follow your heart, because your heart will lead you to happiness, don’t listen to a bad word about your sexual orientation, but just listen if someone comments about your personality as a human, be friendly, stay humble, respect each others, enjoy your life and believe everyone can easily accept you as being gay.”